Wednesday, April 15, 2015

I AM A BEAUTIFUL.

I have an Android phone.  It's my first smart phone and of course I love it.  I am always learning new things my phone can do.


For instance, my son showed me a funny thing.  When you are typing a text message, you can simply hit the words offered to you by auto-correct or whatever you call that little bar that offers you words.









In the picture above, it is the part that says "What".

That is not my hand, by the way.  Or my phone.  I got this picture off the internet.  I forget the name of the site I copied from. 

Just kidding.  

Anyway, you can start a message and then just rapidly tap that word (in this case "What" but any word might appear there) over and over again.  The Android will magically type your message for you based on some Androidy logarithm of words that go together or are frequently used or are in your own personal word bank from the data stored in the blah blahbitty blah I don't really know how it works.

The point is, my Android wrote this:

I AM GOING TO SHOPRITE LATER TODAY.  I AM A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.  I AM A BEAUTIFUL, AND I WILL BE THERE. IT HAS TO DO.  I HAVE A DR APT, BUT IT WOULD TAKE TO MAKE A DECISION ON WHAT TO SAY.  YOU ARE HERE.

Turns out the Android is a powerful seer.  I am always going to Shoprite, and I am a beautiful person, inasmuch as any 50 something woman with dry skin, short legs and an impatient temperament can be.  Between myself, the kids, my husband and the dog, I am pretty sure someone does indeed have a Dr. appointment (though not an apartment) today.

And, in fact, you are here.  You are reading this.

 My phone is a poet and a visionary.  And, I can use it to call people.

What does your Android say?






Thursday, April 9, 2015

WHAT'S ON YOUR LIST?



Not your bucket list.  Not your grocery list.  Your to-do list.  The stuff you plan to do today, or this week, or by a certain date.  The stuff you need to do before your mother visits, or before the camp out, or before taxes are due.

I’ve always been a list maker.  The older I get, the more I rely on my lists because I simply can’t keep track of all the things I have to do without it.  One time, when my oldest was about 1 year old, I forgot to feed him dinner.  I just got busy, and he never cried about it, and suddenly it was bedtime and I realized I never fed him.

I really need my list.

I update my list and print it out and drag it around the house with me.  My husband will sometimes write on the bottom “Kiss Bill Lobley” or some other hopeful addition like that.
Doesn't that look neat and organized?  Except that if you look closely you will see a heading called "Communion" to remind me to get ready for the celebration next month.  The thing is, my son is receiving Confirmation, not Communion.  He is 14.  Communion is when you are 8.  I didn't even notice that typo until I posted this.


Also, please enjoy my "Spring Cleaning" list.  Check back in June to see if any of it was accomplished.

Within minutes of printing out a fresh list, I discover other things I need to do, so instead of reprinting, I just write in the margins.  Pretty soon the list looks like this.


Then I make a new list.  Sometimes I actually write on my list, "Make a new list."

This could be a sickness.

Some of the highlights on my list today include a thorough cleaning of the upstairs bathroom, which my husband deemed "appalling."  I believe that's a relative term.

Also: buy a curtain rod, finalize travel plans for yet another college visit, buy groceries and um ... blog.

Well, at least I've done one thing on the list.  Thanks for your help.